Bliss

/blis/
Noun

• Perfect happiness; great joy.

• Something providing such happiness.

Above is the Google definition of bliss. But my definition is not something i can easily put in words because it is a situation...

In the dead of a summers night with tall grass with a constant gentle breeze slightly pushing on the grass, just enough for a soft hiss. As i lay in the grass i look up to the spectacular display of the night sky where the only light in the sky are the stars illuminating the sky in harmony with the moonlight.

As i lay all my troubles just disappear as i admire the night sky...

Christmas time

Its that time of year, where families get together and forget all their troubles and just have a good time, in the norther hemisphere its to get everyone they love and care about in one place in the mid of a miserable frosty winter.

So it should be like that, but that tradition seems to have wandered off and doesn't know when to return at the same time of year, this year i feel like Christmas has just skipped this year and doesn't plan to return anytime soon.

Missing...

There seems to be something missing, but I can't seem to fill that void, because nothing wants to plug this hole.

On Christmas Eve I went out with a friend to her family BBQ, when we walked out onto the beach I realised how much I missed the ocean... All I could think and do was to take in the moment. Sea breeze, crashing waves, dark night sky with holes in the dark fabric of night allowing light to shine through. At the same time there was someone that I felt I needed to take care of. Even though it may not have been my place to do it because all I am is a friend.

This friend said I was a good person, as if there would be no one else that would sit on the beach with another friend, just to be free of all worries at that moment in time. So am i really a "good person"? if it is true then why doesn't it show, all it has provided me with is a lifetime supply of anti-happiness.

Some days i just want to be all alone, then i wont have to look for people to support me, and having to wonder if the people i tell even want to deal with the issues i have, I only listen because i don't want anyone to feel like there is no one there to help, but it seems this role has expired and no one requires my presence.

So i take my leave in trying to help... if you want it get it somewhere else please. I no longer understand how and why people make the choices they make.