No matter the number of friends, if it is one or even a hundred..
it doesn’t matter if no one knows what is going on... no one is the same as me,
they don't notice the things I do, people I meet need me to tell them what is
wrong with me... even if I hint the problem, they just brush past it like it is
a normal thing.
By people brushing the hints off it makes
me wonder two things, one I do this way too often and people have just learnt
to ignore my signs, the outcries that something is wrong. The second one is
they just don't look into people as deeply as I do, which leads to them missing
all the signs. But at the end of the story, I walk this path alone, because I
have not yet met a friend who is willing to just take a good look at how I
really am inside.
Friendships should be made and kept, by
keeping a friendship, I don't mean maintaining it just so you are aware of the
other person's existence, I want friendships to grow and keep growing, not
within a confined space, I want to explore and experience the world with the
ones I care about, the sad fact of that is, no one wants to do that with me...
or I just think that because they are too busy looking into their own life or
looking in the wrong direction, I don't really understand the meaning of a
friendship anymore, they can be made as fast as they can fade...
There are periods where I had friends all
across the world, but that made me feel ever so alone whenever my daytime
arrived, so then I started to look for friends in my time zone, from what I
have experienced, they don't want to have a friendship as intense as what I
want it to be, some may make excuses, but that is just an excuse nothing more,
if you want something you will go look for it, you will make sacrifices to make
it happen, I have tried... and tried... but nothing...
Will I ever find people with my same point
of view, along with the willingness to make the sacrifices just to grow a
friendship... a bond... that nothing will get in the way, a friendship with a spine?
My memories of the past, experiences, they
make me long for what I have lost, what I no longer have, every time everything
is gone, the feeling of loneliness gets more intense. It is a feeling where you
are not wanted anywhere, people may not think that, but that is how I interpret
their actions. Without speech, that is all I can decipher.
These feelings could almost amount to being in the presence of someone who does not want to be in the same place, the feeling that they would rather be somewhere else, that is the worst feeling of all, being ungrateful in another's presence is the least amount of respect you can show for someone else
Dont Forget... I Really Am Just Another Human Being...
